LAMENT OF THE WANDERER

Over the last four and a half years, the path forward in ministry has not been clear.  This led to a number of days of doubt and questioning.  I have often wondered if I am so completely dense to what God is up to that missed his signs.  Since we have walked with the Lord as faithfully as we know how, I guess I thought we might get some clarity as a benefit.  I was having coffee with my friend, Dave Wainscott, when the question was raised, "I have been faithful, Lord, but what the hell?"  It launched a bit of a lament.  Well, I finished that lament here.  

A word about lament is in order.  Lament is a form of writing that expresses deep sorrow, fear, or doubt.  The writer generally speaks out of the bitterness of a life event or life season.  In the Bible, a majority of the Psalms are laments, but with a particular bent.  In biblical lament, the writer pours out the anger or bitterness, but comes to a point of expressing some form of faith or confidence in the Lord in spite of the circumstances.  That is what I hope I communicated here.  This is my lament for the last season of life.

Lord, I have been faithful, so what gives?

Why this road? Why this path?  This doesn’t look like anything I saw at the beginning.

When I sat on that Big Rock, I asked you if I should take that road,

If I should learn to shepherd and serve as one who pastors.

And you said yes as clearly as I hear the voices of my family and friends.

In the voices of those close to me were affirmations of that call.

So I faithfully followed…yet it has not turned out as I thought.

What am I missing?  Did I miss a signal?  Did I fail in some way and not see it?

I guess I figured that faithfulness would count for something more,

For some reward I would not have to wait for.

So what gives? 

What gives, it seems, is my picture of what should be and my plan of how things should work out.

You have shown yourself faithful in every way.  You have proven fully trustworthy.

When there has been heartache and change, you have been our comfort.

When the road was desolate, you remained as our traveling companion and guide.

When it looked like we would have nothing, you were and are our faithful provider.

You use me in the way that is best for your purposes.

You are molding me so that I can accomplish best what will bring you the most glory.

This is a good road, where you will continue to include me in your plan.

As I walk this path, I will continue to walk in faithfulness,

Knowing you will bring me to that place of peace and service that brings me great joy and brings you great glory.